Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
