and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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