Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
