Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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