Clothes are such an inconvenience.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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