I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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