i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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