And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
