dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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