I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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