i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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