Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
