Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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