So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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