i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
