My girlfriend figured out who you are.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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