Define "chronic" masturbator.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
