I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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