Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
