it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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