U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
