Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
