Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
