Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
