But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
