help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
