it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
