Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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