I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize