So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
