with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
