My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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