i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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