the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love accidental penises.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
