Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
