can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
