so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
