just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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