Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
