I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
