we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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