is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
