i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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