he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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