Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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