wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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