Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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