i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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