I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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