is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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