Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
