Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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