That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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