Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
