Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
