Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
