I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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