I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
