Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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