Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
