he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
