And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
